Signing off.

19/12/2017

I could and planned to put up so many more posts on the wrong-doing of my conviction, more lies of ‘injuries’ the judge and Patrick Kelly ruled Melissa had, more evidence my lawyer should have done something with, more proof I did not cause Melissa’s death by legal definition, but rather Dr J's medical neglect I was scape-goated for; lies from the judge; perjury from the Crowns four main ‘experts’, how they twisted the truth to an about face of lies with no evidence because there was none, just their say-so; omission of truth that would have got me a not guilty verdict, denial of truth,; more evidence of ischaemia being widespread in Melissa’s brain NOT traumatic injury DAI, how Melissa could have made a full recovery if treated; the responses she was making when written off;  the people who have come forth stating I have a wrongful conviction………….  All round just how extremely manipulative, dishonest, unjust and underhand they were and how it was only ever about cost of rehabilitation and Dr J having to save face.

But all of that does not matter anymore.  Melissa will still be dead.  I forgave them long ago.  God knows the truth, as does Melissa and myself.  If Melissa’s loved ones want to talk to me on any of this I welcome it.  But I am able to put my criminal case behind me, to liberate myself and all those I held to ransom over it, because I now totally acknowledge it was all meant to be, or at the very least God had foresight and fitted it into His plan for me.  God has made abundant good of it.

I realize previous posts say I will explain things in future posts.  They will now be left suspended. 

I have met a lot of lovely supportive people along the way from all walks of life the past eleven years, including some who worked at convicting me, and all of this has worked to good.  It would be a slap in the face of all those who believe in me, have been so nice to me and to God and Melissa, for me to dwell on this further.  Nothing constructive is to come of it in a world sense.  The Crown will be evasive and obstructive forever more.

If by some miracle the Crown were to look into my wrongful conviction and the fact that Dr J is responsible for Melissa's death and agree to a coroner’s inquest, it would not make the slightest difference to Gods purpose for me.  They can never have the power to cease Gods purpose and will for me and never did. 

It has been beneficial to limit my choice as I am a person who can become overwhelmed by choice if I do not limit them.  The limitation was done for me.  I appreciate that.  I have been able to eliminate vague indecisive half choices, trying to hit on the right path; to finally get my focus on what God wants of me.  I accept all this was meant to be and I will be forever grateful for everything, especially prison, that of course I would not have had if the correct verdict was given.

To all you lovely people I met along the way, thank-you; especially corrections officers, parole board judge, ARWCF manager, probation services, the police officers, prison nurses, Dr’s, hospital security, psychologists, fellow prisoners.  I cannot possibly remember you all by name and cannot do so online; but I am very grateful to you all.  You dispelled my intense phobic fear of all people to a great extent.

I forgave all the wrongdoing long ago and recently have new revelations that have permitted me to put all this behind me.

All the tatics used in my case are what the government uses in any area of propaganda to deceive citizens.  I realize now that my conviction had to happen for me to thoroughly learn their tactics for another purpose, so that I would not still be largely a piece of putty as the majority are.  It was not a personal attack on me, it is just how corrupt they are and the darkness they mask themselves with to the majority. 

In the purpose I now see I was prepared for with my criminal case, the government cares no more for children then they did Melissa.  It is only ever about self to them.  As with my criminal case it is about saving face and money. 

I will forever have a deep intense grief that it cost Melissa her life for me to finally get it, but I know she forgives me for pushing her, for hurting her.  Her and God let me know that shortly after she died.  She was wiser than I.  I chose in prison to live, to honor her and God and to make the most of the injustice of her death.  I accepted from the onslaught that Melissa would not have died had I not pushed her.  That takes the sting off the fact that by legal definition I am not guilty because I only did the operative part and Dr J did the substantial and operative when he turned down the neurosurgeon’s suggestion to do emergency surgery immediately.  But Dr J would not be guilty of manslaughter if I had not pushed Melissa.  It is what I did wrong that made him commit a crime also.

If doctors like Patrick Kelly who head the National child abuse team were not obsessed with shaken baby, conviction at all cost, guilty until he declares innocent and disproving truth of injuries; good people and doctors like Dr J, would not second guess themselves and be indecisive.  Patrick Kelly undermines the health of children for self, ego and perceived vengeance.

As for Dr Tavey Dorofaeff and Gabrielle Nuthall.  It is hard for me to find such empathy for them when it is very obvious they planned Melissa's murder from the moment she was admitted to Starship hospital, after she finally had the operation that was performed far too late for her and morphine was almost immediately stopped so she would not get tolerance to it.  Melissa was kept alive to harvest evidence only.  They did not care about any responses or improvements she was showing.  The decision was final from the onslaught and followed up with morphine overdose when Melissa kept on fighting.

I am so sorry it took Melissa’s life for me to come to that point, Melissa’s family.  I still run from trauma, facing what I did to Melissa.  Having understanding of the issues that led to my pushing her does not make it any easier.  Accepting God was in my life the entire time and working everything to His plan for me does not make it any easier, because despite that I did something that was against all essence of His being in me and all I was to Melissa; and that He did not want to happen.  I really did adore Melissa, despite what anyone may think.

I can not let myself think of Melissa’s smiling face, her love of life and animals, how much her siblings adored her, how very obviously loved she was by her parents, how precious she was, the cuddles she would give me, Selena's peek-a-boo games with Melissa, her giggles and smile, how she was entrusted to me for care, her defenselessness, her innocence, her forgiveness…… without overwhelming grief.  I still have to run from it. 

I can not describe how deep my remorse and sorrow is for what I have done to Melissa, her family and my own family, anymore than I can explain the depth of Gods love and awesomeness.

I hope you have been able to forgive me, for your own sake and for Melissa’s.